A major approach toward helping your family cope with possible reactions is to realize that they are going through the trauma with you. Although you might want to protect them by not telling them what has happened, your reactions make it clear that there is something bothering you.
Although you might want to ignore your reactions, it is advisable to deal and cope with concerns as they arise. If not allowed to be expressed, feelings have a way of surfacing inappropriately. Discussing this with your spouse helps him or her prepare for possible reactions. This preparation will help decrease possible confusion and tension which might result from involvement in the trauma.
Telling children what has taken place is advisable as they are typically questioned by, or find out from, other children about the incident. Sharing the information and feelings about the incident helps promote a clearer understanding and provides an open avenue for communication. A child who finds out about a traumatic situation from others is quickly involved in second-guessing, i.e., "Why didn't he tell me...I guess I shouldn't talk about it...Well, Jimmy says that what really happened was..." Such second-guessing leads to communication breakdowns and additional reactions to the situation. Children fill in the blanks when the information is not provided.
After you've experienced a highly traumatic critical incident is not the time to play the loner. Your friends and family are an important emotional and spiritual resource that needs to be brought into your life during this time, not shut out. They may not understand everything you are feeling, but they will know you are hurting, and can help provide needed comfort.
Things family and friends can do for you
They can listen carefully and be non-judgmental.
They can offer to spend time with you.
They can offer assistance or a listening ear, even if not asked. However, they should try not to be overbearing.
They can give you private time.
They can reassure you that they are safe.
They can offer to help with everyday chores.
They can try not to take your anger, withdrawal or other feelings personally.
They should't tell you that you're lucky it wasn't worse. Instead, they should tell you that they are sorry that such an event has occurred and they want to understand and help you. As stated earlier, the reactions you may experience are not only normal, they are also necessary. If you are having difficulty dealing, there are people out there who care.
A great idea is to download the sheet to the right and post it on the refrigerator for your family. Many helpful tips and bits of information are contained in this Word® document.
